Today is the 31st of December 2007, the last day of a very if I were to refer it as a(u)neventful year. Am sitting all alone half naked infront of the interface to blog, is that loneliness that's what I ask myself as I blog. Turn of the year I do feel a great need to examine what has happened to me on two major fronts of professional and personal endeavours.
I feel that a few wrong choice here and few choices there and bit of short sightedness and probably overlook and take it easy attitude made things as complicated as they are not meant to be. A choice of continuing with the career and more to overlook things in my personal life
worked against me. These very decisions led me away from my potentiality.
At times I've been confronted with no meaning and absolutely no sense of direction, at times I felt a sort of huge emotional vacuum that has been creating threatening to consume me into the infinite void of unknown and wanting to establish a desperate need of relations....failing at this steps only mounts to compounding distrust on pockets of people who dump you, and leave you to dust to rot. I felt that life has been heading towards loneliness and gloominess towards the vague end of the year, so much to desire yet nothing to attain.
For these very factors are causing so much unrest, so much turmoil for this little soul at this vulnerable age, for I suppose this is right time to learn and harden my defence, for life would be more aggressive going forward. For aggression seems to be the best defence. And I wish to examine the possibility of changing a few variables to set the equation right and get everything on the fast track. Am talking about my work place, my role at the company, the company itself, my attitude, and everything which would make me comfortable and passionate about myself and the very life. I wish to regather and atleast now put down the roots tight and hard.
Well for now of all the damned things, I don't seem to like girls nor appreciate their interference in my life. I've bent on to the extent that I can't trust any girl and I don't seem to like the girls who seemingly like me, adore me and love me. People who want to talk to me on this bluntly turned down. I still haven't answered my self on how to find a right girl, a right kindda girl ...my kinddaa girl. Social taboos, changing and transit mindset of the present generation girls, family expectations, frequency drops, lifestyle hangovers, invisibly-visible controls and rigid expectations all having a potential to lead to a recipe of big hot & sour soup of agony.
I still haven't refined my recipe of stability. The recipe would of well balanced professional and personal life is the most mouthwatering to imagine, hard to cook, harder to serve, hardest to taste. Its only about time that things should fall in place or we take control of the same, and serve the same to the fullest.
Wishing all the best for the new year, new challenges which lay in the path.
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