Mood: Gloomy--Worried --- Confused

Today seems like one of the worst mood swings ever I had in quiet some time. This was just round the corner after the incident on Nov 8th. Nov 8th was the best days this term nd the very next day turned out to be the inroad to a very bad phase. Poorni got a job on 7th nice one, hope it make her more secure. I went shopping next day got her some stuff nd mailed it on 9th. I also got a trendy looking pair of glasses worth 1100/-(now that's on a high side by my standards)

Now for the bad part, I went for delivery of my glasses and Suman's on 10th. I had planned my lunch at Raahat (thats'z the new place I & Suman dinned on 8th). I firstly was made to wait for good 20min before even taking a order, then was served chilly Beef which I unknowingly took it (aawww...Considering am Veggie this is unacceptable to me). Then to the delivery Suman happened to have got a bumper lottery he got a new CRC (colour reflection coat) without even paying for the same. Wherein he ordered only a plain white glass. Then on my way back I was almost runover by a frenzy bus driver who nearly took me out on the entire road breadth. Had Came back shaken completely that day only to get another shock.

I've taken some short positions in the stock market which I wasn't able to close as I was out and moreover the net on the campus was down. This lead to huge loss for me due to this debabckles. Later I got laid by 8500/- 41% loss due to me being fined for short delivery. This too happened on 10th.One more thing came as shocking discovery , a revelation by chak. fact that I was actually loosing money by holding stocks with Kotakon Margin. I was being charged 18% per day on 5400 for good 20 days with I not even realising. What ever went into my Kotak account never seems to come back.

Next the bad set of consequences of 8th spilled over. As Mads wld put it, we patched up..I hardly can put it that way. It was only but getting worse. We had major differences on working for a ER paper on Pantaloons. I was planning to divide time nd devote to write three ER paper spanning across 7 days ultimately the plan had to suffice. I am a sort of person who needs some moral backup & understanding. I was pinned down by so many of her suggestions which I can't take in. I say let them come but be it in a neat fashioned way. And as my belief goes " how can one preach without oneself practicing". I only believe in practicing first before preaching. Thats why I try to carve my character in the same fashion and try to reflect, associate the same to others.

Nov 12th onwards our group was continuously being scrutinized by BMPP faculty here for the work we put on Hero Honda. Seeing the commitment levels of our group what else I can deliver. I had to resort to last minute firefigthing (I hate such a thing) & I gave a report of 35 pages something wherein majority of group members gave no more than a page report maximum being 4 pages. One particular member PremChand didn't even bother to complete his part of work, never even bothered to confirm, verify the same.. This guy made sure that our group got the least grade in BDC too. On 16th we met the faculty at his Guest House and requested and promised that we would deliver more appropriate more (meaning more work for me). I got to work for 2 days nd 2 nights nd put a completely revamped report. Am yet to get his feedback. Will have to meet him again on Saturday and decide on the presentation.

IIFT Street was another mess. One night one of the nights(16th)we have no net connection and ultimately had to miss the entire round and chance of even thinking of winning this event. I dreamt of completing all the securities ( Forex, Equities, cldn't beat it in Commodities). As it wasn't enough the server access to the site was too pathetic and any times rounds pased by without us even getting through the orders. Apart from IIFT Street I cldn't even sit to compete for ITopia that night hosted the elimination phase.

As not enough the woos continue today. Mads is gone bonkers, Overheard mods dico on Brahminism when I wanted to talk something on this met shift resistance and some weird mental projection which has upset me for me entire day. I hope I become more self-centric from now on..more into myself..more me ..more into a shell and be self liniment-being from now on rather than looking for support.
I hated mads behaviour ...can't take it anymore..I hate this phase of term..I feel like loosing my balance of mind. Today I am also feeling dizzy today coz of migraine. And worst I am not able to any of my friends who surely think I am crazy(true) nor to Poorni else I would burning a bigger hole in my already drained pockets by calling her, also I don't want to spoil her independance and happiness.

I need to stay focused and look beyond, Priortise and come into action...God almighty give me Strength for everything ..I want u by my side I m in tears while writing this...I hope you understand ...Sorry for last Saturday..I kindaa ignored you, missed the day. I believe that the events of this week were on the backdrop of that visit. I will surely do the things I thought off this month.