I intend to keep this a running document and would keep appending as I feel I could.
One big thing I realised about being in love is that one needs to know the lifecycle of love. This is comparable to a simple brand / product / service life cycle which almost all the marketing students are aware of(Kotler is what am referring to) Anyways I am listing the same below
- Early/Introduction Stage
- Growth Stage
- Maturity Stage
- Decline Stage
The Early stage is where the hormonal and chemicals of the body take over the conscious. Love is supposed to be blind and people in love are in their elevated senses with one single point of thought and that is about the other partner. Similar to the state where a males of the elephant species are experiencing Musth and female is in estrus. Musth is the time for establishing reproductive hierarchy, which can differ from the usual social hierarchy in that a male in musth outranks nonmusth males. Similarly for humans around the teenages, is the time where they exhibit the maximum of non-compliance, risk and move out from the following the societal norms and feel invincible. If things where to be cut loose, they will surely seek a partner. During this time being with the partner, fighting for one, being possessive is all but natural. Thoughts of life being non-existent if one fails in love, or doesn't find one are very much common, but only baseless. People mostly fail to understand and interpret their true feelings, for compromising to get someone to be with is what is on the highest criteria. The second step is to please the other person, by means of flirty talks, treating, gifting and surprising each other. The risk taking as I said is maximum in the early stage, one might risk ones own health and physical well being and wouldn't mind getting badly injured at this stage. The early stage as I believe should last for 3-6 months by end of which either the relations fail or go to the next stage. They fail for the mere fact that the need to be with other person makes one get into a relationship and more its not planned or thought of affair. This stage is the most exciting, joyful of the periods and could determine the fate of an individual. A strength of person is also determined on how one handles adverse situation here.
The Growth Stage in a relation is the foundation for the base of trust, acceptance, faith and confidence, integrity and intensity are set-up. This stage is beyond surprising, people should understand how one should avoid surprising each others by creating awkward situations. Trust, confidence in each other, faith and belief in each others abilities are slowly established in this stage. One starts to develop respect for each other, by the end of the stage one should be in a position to atleast if know if not accept the other persons short comings. This stage as I suppose usually last 3-6 months.
In Maturity Stage or towards the end of the growth stage occurs a situations where one completely gives in and surrenders their feelings to each other. The amount of confidence and trust in each is so immense that one starts to believe in the other sometimes more than themselves. Unavoidably the expectations from the other also starts growing. It is this stage where almost all the freshness, blossom, Passion of the early days of love are lost, and are taken over by duty, responsibility. Couples who are intelligent enough to take responsibility as an opportunity will succeed in laying up a foundation for a life long relation, other would surely have a rough patch, while few might part ways for the egos come in their ways for a few and others are outwitted by their own expectations not matching up in terms of responsibility shouldering towards mutual and perhaps exclusive needs. I feel there is no timelines that can be humanly set here, for a very opportunistic couple will develop and sustain love even in daily chores and shouldering responsibilities while others might resent the same.
The Decline stage is somewhere when it happens the couple are very preoccupied with so many personal things and are probably bothered about just pleasing self, and are the least interested about their partner. This attention shift from the partner is complete and total, and might no longer seek attention from them as the assumptions on solutions, reactions to the situations is so much known that they can ignore the perspective of their partner and start seeking advice or a perspective of a different person as required. But usually the kind of joy and excitement necessary is completely non-existent among the couple themselves. Sometimes the responsibilities they shouldered till now would have started aching and burdening them that they wish to call an end, but one might still continue to be together as they have no reason to split, and will try to find sollace in probably trying to advice, and guide others from their own experiences.
But as an independent thought to this LLC (Love Life Cycle) there are few thoughts which I would like to share.
1. One if finds true love wouldn't have any expectations from the other, if some kind of expectations are coming up, its for the only reason that one is in a social environment and one needs to be a part of the social fabric that society sets for oneself and expects each other to be and act in a way which they interpret as "acceptable societal norms". Obviously each others understanding, interpretations, perceptions and tolerances towards each other operate at a different frequency so conflicts do happen and expectations are changing, reset continously; sometimes the expectations change at exponential speeds for the same to be kept, met and broken.
2. Love is always not about being together and partying (sleeping included). In today's world, atleast people who are in love expect to do everything to just to reach to that intimate level. This is the biggest mistake people make and its quite evident in a conservative society like ours, where moving around with a girl is a taboo. And for a boy reaching a girl is only got one societably acceptable path and which happened to be love and feeling of love. People needs to understand that being or assuming that liking a person just cause for a sake of moving around together is everything else but love.
3. Intimacy at most of the times kills love, one need to understand that love can blossom and its true colors are fully revealed only by means of distance. Distances between true lovers helps them to understand and treasure each other, mutual respect grows, any false implications in the relations are fast healed. Intimacy creates friction, while distance and slight seclusion eases off that friction.
4. It's not always easy to move on having been in love. Love doesn't give second chance, and never loose what bit you possess with you, for people in love are easily heart broken in slightest provocation and might lead to a permanent loss; which is to be avoided at all lost. Things once out of hand needs drastic and dramatic measures to reposes the same lost Love. But I really doubt if the second innings would be as the same level as earlier.
5. Love is imperishable and a rare good and definitely not a commodity. Its costlier than diamond harder than titanium. Never fiddle around with for if you are you are fiddling around with your peace of mind and happiness.
6. In love one really needs to be hardlined with rest of the world, letting go of the love is as equivalent of letting go of life. If the entire world is against you and you know there is no reason strong enough for them to be against you it's only but stupidity to back of. For a step back is a step of cowardice and for there is no place for cowards in love.
7. Love is irreplaceable and has got no constituents. A replacement by means of getting a new person in place of person who one truly loved is foolishness and is torture for one gets tormented by the thoughts, feelings, comparisons and parallels which arise out of the new situation making one long for the lost love even more than ever. Bottom line get a Taj Mahal built than getting another Anarkali.
My two penance finding true love is hard, if you get one never let go and protect it at all costs. Love is irreplaceable and non-perishable. Never combine love and intimacy of physicality both are completely different and mistakenly assumed to be complimentary if not the same feelings. Respect the person you love more than an one else, if you don't you don't deserve the love.
