Toll paid for Youth

Along the lonely Alie as I walk in the new land, lonely that ever, not even a shadow to keep the company, terrible times I felt that was, thoughts deep diving and getting in a retro perspective. Thinking, recollecting and momentarily reliving the happier times of the good company and circle, umm friends i had.
I was also thinking of my happier days, where sometimes I for sure even to this day I know and regret things which i should have not done. I killed myself the best of friendships that life ever could have offered to me in my opinion. The true friendship I shared always made me fuller and content and made me feel that I had nothing else to live for as those moments I shared were so involving happy that I never felt a need of more. I experienced immense sense of engagement and self-existence. What I mean I could continue be so so transparent and open and hide no thing for I always used to be never ashamed of myself or my short comings before such a good friend. May be I always had that sense of security and trust that didn't forfeit and hold back my feelings. The person I am today is less of that open person that I am then. Am a lesser free being now than then when I still had a zillion societal added to the restrictions on easy of life my parents matricidal established.
After all those happy days had to come to an end, I wasn't actually looking or analysing what to do to undo things of past, but its got to do more with sense of realisation of sins of youth which may be God in his own philosophical way is punishing me in literally letting me loose my friendship at the summit in the most bizarre was possible through the inexperience of youth. Today as I write this blog I surely hope no one should ever get to feel such a thing feeling such a big void within at sometime of once own decisions and so called deeds.
Yes lust, inexperience and hormones make the youth is a whole different way which might lead to bigger undo able losses in life.