Nothing like Home!!

Earlier I was watching an Youtube video from back home. In that video I happened to hear the cukoo cukoo of Koyal or the Cuckoo Bird. This was too teasing, bringing back the older memories from back home.
I realized that among the things I miss the most from home is mainly
1. The Sounds of home.
Continuing on the cukcoo, I can recall days where I used to mimic it and call it out every time I felt happiness from within or like sharing things.
Another common sounds are the crowds when one goes to a market. The word fish market is almost applicable to even a small size market run by vendors.
Something very similar is a hand-cart vendor calls out while going by his/her route on the road.
Another sound was when one goes to a movie theater, all the hooters, whistling, clapping is another feel which one can't get any where else.
Sometimes even the Cacophonic sounds of a wedding or Ganesh immersion procession  is something which I miss.
2. The Smells of Home
Let's keep the bad smell arising from the open Nalla's and the Autowala's throwing semi-burned kerosene fumes from their half broken silencer exhaust trying to create a terrestrial acrobatic smoke display.
But a simple smell of some one doing their morning pooja at their home with Agarbathi (incense) lit, or be it aromatic smells from the kitchens all over. Even while walking down the street, the smell of special Elaichi Chai (Cardamon flavoured Tea) entices me a lot. Walk by the bakery for smell of freshly baked bread, or temple where smells of burnt camphor welcome the devotees in adobe. Fresh smell of soil when first showers of rain spray their droplets on the ever virgin land. Exquisite are the smells which we are so used to.
3. The Sights of Home
The very presence of multitude of colours which the rich Indian culture is second to none in the entire world. Even with all the giant LCDs and Neon Sign radiating heat and calling in the consumers and tourists alike in cities like New York or Tokyo are no where comparable to days when we see houses decorated with flowers, mango and neem leaves on a festival or an inviting rangoli decoration in the entrance of the house. Nothing equals the diya's on Diwali or the thousands of kites filling our skies on a sankranti. The colours of our Indian women adore are a visual treat in itself which is quite contradictory to white and blacks or earthly tones of the west. We can't get a place filled with colours as on a day of holi which incidentally resembles the rainbows.If one thinks am not going over board the flora and fauna in India no matter how rare they are becoming are quite unique and are a special treat in themselves.
4. The Tastes of Home
Nothing is parallel to what mom cooks. Yes she burns my biryani in the bottom of dish, I eat the bottom one the most. Yes my mom uses a lot of oil and salt, but I still like it and grew eating it. Yes I am choosy and hate my greens which mom makes, but heck I don't eat them, any of them outside. I miss my favourite Dil Khush (Tutty Fruity Pastry Puff), I miss my favourite Paneer Butter masala, the special hyderbadi biryani with mirchi ka salan, or a double ka meeta. I don't even want to recall the milk mysorepaak or Potharekulu from Godavari district or fruit biscuits from Karachi bakery. So many yummy yummy things. Enough of the stupid pizzaa's, and burgers with french fries or onion rings; Nothing tastes and smells better than home made Indian food; only thing which comes second is the one which we get in those famous stall and restaurants making mouth watering foods. Yum yum yum...
5. The Feel of Home
What tops it all is the warmth one gets back home. It is simply unequal. The warmth, the love, the affections is a treasure house in itself which can't be filled anywhere. The parents, the relatives, the kids its so much so happening. We are cared for, we are loved for, wanted for (in a good sense), seeked for, reached out to, and even sometimes an occasional curse after some praise. The joy with which people run around the apartment complex, the way festivals and get togethers are celebrated, the way elders are revered and relationships given importance makes me so so wanting to experience that all over. There is always that energy generating back home which makes a place to be called home lack of it makes it a house. Even in general places one could always stop by and ask help or directions if you are lost; in here one might not be surprised if the other person draws a concealed weapon or pepper spraying you thinking of some danger. Trust is something which exists in general walk of life back home, which to some extent is lesser in the western world.

No matter where one goes and explores the thing called happiness is no equal to a place called Home. A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it, so true, so really really true. Perhaps that's why even the wild animals return to their native/home roots when they want to breed their offspring. No wonder

What's Happening - What's keeping me busy ?

Yippee some majorly minor changes..
I moved to new place within the USA!! What's so great...Well this is my 4th residence in less than an year in the US. And am lovingly hating it for the reason that it hits my pocket big time and cripples career growth and social life. So thy word is " Philadelphia, PA to New London, CT to Wilmington, DE to Milwaukee, WI"
https://picasaweb.google.com/pswaroop/GreaterMilwaukeeUSA
Second major change - I have not been playing Travian for 2 months - Great deal ?? Yes for a Travian addict whose lived and breath it for over 15 hours a day for 2 years thats possible a big relief for a few people round me.
Third - Finally my photographic journey as a hobby seems to be taking off slowly with time freed from Travian. Few can explored from the link above.
Fourth - Trying to improve active lifestyle by being more self focused and participate in sports and exercises - Outcome I (my team) won runner's up trophy for Volleyball. Yippee !!
Fifth - I get to buy a car. After almost 5 years of working and 1 year on site(in the USA) that by many onlookers standard is an achievement. Well who cares I bought my house before many others had it. :)
Sixth - I got a Facebook Account now!! Great ?? Well my socially networking has been severely diminished thanks to Travian, Hi-5 my first social network was burried alive long back. Orkut is now falling apart with Google step motherly treatment with launch of Google +. And a few friendly requests did help me to finally plunge in the FB way in Aug 2011.
Seventh - I jumped off the my Vertical at my company. Finally I got off the Life sciences vertical which I have been clinging on to without much happening in my career. New vertical is Retail, hope it brings in new avenues of success and faster career progression and "Retirement".
Lastly - I blogged almost an year after my last post..So this is good...

Toll paid for Youth

Along the lonely Alie as I walk in the new land, lonely that ever, not even a shadow to keep the company, terrible times I felt that was, thoughts deep diving and getting in a retro perspective. Thinking, recollecting and momentarily reliving the happier times of the good company and circle, umm friends i had.
I was also thinking of my happier days, where sometimes I for sure even to this day I know and regret things which i should have not done. I killed myself the best of friendships that life ever could have offered to me in my opinion. The true friendship I shared always made me fuller and content and made me feel that I had nothing else to live for as those moments I shared were so involving happy that I never felt a need of more. I experienced immense sense of engagement and self-existence. What I mean I could continue be so so transparent and open and hide no thing for I always used to be never ashamed of myself or my short comings before such a good friend. May be I always had that sense of security and trust that didn't forfeit and hold back my feelings. The person I am today is less of that open person that I am then. Am a lesser free being now than then when I still had a zillion societal added to the restrictions on easy of life my parents matricidal established.
After all those happy days had to come to an end, I wasn't actually looking or analysing what to do to undo things of past, but its got to do more with sense of realisation of sins of youth which may be God in his own philosophical way is punishing me in literally letting me loose my friendship at the summit in the most bizarre was possible through the inexperience of youth. Today as I write this blog I surely hope no one should ever get to feel such a thing feeling such a big void within at sometime of once own decisions and so called deeds.
Yes lust, inexperience and hormones make the youth is a whole different way which might lead to bigger undo able losses in life.

United stated of America

Yes finally the magical word rather the commonest common noun has come alive in my life.
The place of dreams the place of destination for many, which strangely enough for majority I had made a mundane image of "American Destination hater" and "Desi Supporter has fallen apart.

Today I return to blogging after long long really massively long time. One primary thing for such a prolonged absenteeism from this arena is purely due changed tastes and new found addiction to the online game I mentioned in the previous posts, Travian. May be too addictive and too involving than primal instincts.

Anyways the news I have relocated to the New Land of America. I moved in the last week of June, and its almost a month of stay of what seemingly looks like a long term assignment and hopefully leading to longer than expected stay here. I now join my brother who is now here for now more than 5 years.
I have a whole new set of challenges and a whole new world in front of me to experience and move on with. A completely new perspective and way of life thrown across to live, I would like to add and share the new experiences, and hopefully capture the new environment with you all.
I hope my Travian addiction wanes out sooner as this should help me further in harnessing my blogging skills.

After a long while !!!

Yaa Yaa its been a really really long time that I've blogged.
The reason...
1. Am not cribbing offlate - Naa not atleast on the web
2. Am kindda busy - At work yes, but on the web I've become an Net game Addict to a online strategy game called Travian - Refer my previous post
3. Things at Home - Health concerns of my girl !!
4. Well I think am in for a professional change ??? 2 Years now in Cognizant, Pune

Why Am I posting now ??
1. Am out of my project now !! Alas some breathing space
2. Travian - Completed One End Game on S2.in and quit playing s1.com, s8.com servers - Lot more breathing space.
3. Am free at home my Gals with her parents recuperating from her weakness. So breather there too

So What am I upto these days
1. My Marathon Project in CTS has ended, completed two SDLC in one year, great learning expereince and real time and energy drainer.
2. Playing and playing madly - Travian
3. Travelling - To home and back
4. Shopping and spending money on buying.

Basically been sleeping less and spending a lot of time on the Computer Terminal both at office and at home.
Been away from mails, Social online-communities including Orkut, Hi-5, Linked-in.
Not looking for new jobs.

Yaa yaa thats all for now. My Year end report is still awaited. I hope it will done atleast by mid-year.

What's keeping me busy....(Mar -May ' 09)

I've been keeping myself busy myself spending some time on social networking site (with some difference), watching the IPL matches (and yes Deccan Chargers win made me proud for I am very much a Hyderabadi) and last thing I am currently hooked to is a new found love for web-based browser game called Travian.
Geni.com

The Geni craze for me started in the month of March with an invite sent by my Wife's aunt and a bit of tinkering around in the application made be a big fan of this site. Geni is a social networking site intended to connect family members and fill the family tree. Launched in January 2007 by Web 2.0 company Geni, Inc with over thirty million profiles created in a span of one year.
I was hooked into this site for good 2-3 months fetching collecting data about the family members and putting up their photos personal information etc. I added more than 550+ profiles in this while inviting close to 50 profiles. It's been a good time collecting to know the faces of our wide family. An overall good time experience.

Travian

Travian in a web-browser based war-based strategy game. Created using PHP and Ajax this is the hottest game on the lines of Age of Empires (sans graphics and sound). This is completely an online game where players compete for domination in the virtual world. The game lasts for 300 days till from the date the game is initiated with multiple servers serving multiple players.

I ended up on this game from a banner which claimed this to be the best online-strategy based games. It wasn't before this curiosity changed to full fledged addiction. Its been over a month I have been playing this and am such an addict that I keep checking the status of my virtual city through my mobile Internet connection every 2 hours. I sleep late watching the troops and city grow and wake up early to check for any attacks from other co-players. Lots of literature study and lots of wiki and forum guides fill up my empty time between those long waits while my resource fields or infrastructure is being built or while waiting for my troops to return from a mission.

Secondly as per Alexia.com which is the premier internet traffic tracking site; Travian server is the 19th most popular side for 2 months running (April, May 2009) you can check them out yourself for India category. Was pretty surprised at this rating as none of the other popular countries (Arabia, Turkey, Italy,America, Germany - Top 5) have no Travian in the their top 20. Its one feat for Travian.

My girl curses the game heavily as its eating a bit too much beyond her fancy into her life as the game seemingly is getting more priority over her; which rightly pisses her off.

For me Travian has ensured that I was away from the stock market while I was actively trading and making money in the months of March and April; and the opportunity driven due to the election results was the biggest led down as I was busily researching my Travian guides, and storyboards and forums. Lets see how long this craze continues.

Travian ruins my personal life as I have hardly watched any movies, have not ventured out of my house for long hours nor currently planning given the future plans of my future empire.

Mangalyam tantu naanena........

" Mangalyam tantu naanenaMama jeevan hetuna.KanTe badhnaami subhagetvamjeeva sharadahshhatam"
Translated - Oh! The auspicious bride, you live a hundred autumn. I am tieing this thread which is a symbol of my life.
As I tie the Mangalsutra almost an hour past the Muhurthum of 10.35pm on 21st of August 2008, these where the words that kept resounding me for a days till today, as I gather time to put the same on the blog.
My journey towards this day wasn't a smooth sailing at all. Lots of turmoil, confusion, emotions and heartbreaks. As I start my new life trying hard to forget the past, filled of joy, love and passion mixed with tensions, emotional & morale turmoil I lay somewhere in middle, between my past which still casts long shadows and the future which offers now vision on how I can shape it.
Today as I write my blog, I feel terribly lost, and somehow disheartened over the past, for the confusions, hardships I've left behind for a few close people whom I revered for so many years.
The person I called my closest friend since 1999, where we envisioned to be together for rest of life and broke over an year back in 2007 still haunts my memories. Probably this was the reason I was unable to reconcile the fact that I was getting married and even commit just a couple of days for my marriage.
Earlier after having had a dramatically stupid and silly split I went on to get engaged to Shruti, which later broke, and this added fuel to my self discover and greater understanding and mindset towards true feelings and love which I've been running away from for sometime then. Now with the enlightenment I had though I wanted to go back I made my path back treacherous and complicated, which today is now a dead end. I am overwhelmed by everything that has happened to me, don't know what role all these things have had in terms of experience in life, and where will they lead to me in future, and whether I will be a better person or not and how well I can give back to the humanity. I just wish I become man of the people at the earliest and serve and return my debt of my sins and radical thoughts and decision making.
Today I feel having let go of her I let go off all my strength in life, while somehow I feel content for her; as for her I was her only weakness and now she would have let go of all the weakness in her life. I sincerely hope she will emerge braver, more courageous and stronger than ever.
And for my married life I am looking forward for another innings to start, and I sincerely pray for the well-being of everyone associated with me.

Whats new ? - My new stint in reading

Past few weeks, my life and my interests or rather way of passing time has got an entire new meaning. The new way of spending time is discovering Joy, Joy of reading, knowing and applying things to the life. It all started in the strangest mix of circumstances. As usual on my trips back home picked up my Business World subscription copy, and on my way to office started going through it. Unlike earlier time where I used to drive it was impossible to utilise time, but times have changed, as I started reading through the pages some bit of thoughts of previous weeks lead to me a page on Book reviews. There was an article about the book called "The Secret" The review contained more of criticism for the review, as for an average Indian is relatively more leveraged towards spirituality compared to his western counterparts. But the concept of success and euphoria round the name drew an interest in me.

But for two weeks nothing moved, except for a few spiritual articles from the knowledge tree space of Times of India. That's when I realised that I was talking more of language of wise people. I never realised that I was counselling many and was able to help them be better people, but for myself am unable to look within. I had this desire burning hotter than ever before to be better me as time progressed but fell short I was running short of avenues for the same.
This was until the next weekend when waiting to travel back home say a sign. I was bored got up from my bench where I was sitting waiting for my train to arrive and take me back home. Went to the book counter and started glancing through a few magazines as I picked up one of my regular automobile magazine something pulled me towards a red book called Secret, I opened it to read the intro and thought wow its great book to gift to people who need help. Failing to realise that I needed to read it the most. But didn't purchase as I assumed that I wouldn't be able to complete my books for the fact that my earlier books Freakonomics, and Young managers at Cross roads are still half finished for want of time.

Thought it was end of it, but while I was spending time in Hyderabad, the lazy Sunday evening went to Koti to but a few stuff like umbrella and few household items. That's where the Sunday market of books draw my attention while I was walking back to leave for home. Picked up Chetan Bhagat's new book "Three Mistakes of Life" owing to the fact that I was big critic-cum-fan of his. Thought of buying it but decided against it as my friend had it, so could borrow the same as I did for my first book of Chetan Bhagat's back at campus. Then suddenly a beamer the book "The Secret" started calling me take it, I picked it up paid 70/- for it then walked a little further picked up another book of Paulo Coelho Brida. Actually Brida happened by chance was attracted more by the girl with strapless gown with her back turned. As I read preface wanted to know more about how the lady called Brida achieves her ambition in life to find true love. Thought might assist me on my own way. Bought this for 70/- rupees rushed home and packed myself with these two hidden treasures and boarded the train back home.
Yeah after completing the The Secret and Brida, I bought my third book "The Alchemist" last Sunday and finished with that too. I wanted to read so much of this book as I liked the way Coelho approached mysticism, and kind of magic he was able to weave in Brida. And more so The Alchemist was his best seller, and I thought there got to be something in it for the distinction.

The first two books, The Secret and Brida took me two weeks to complete just reading over the journey times, it created in me a desire which laid buried for long, to know and experiment.
The first book I started reading was the secret, I started it in the train itself, read it for an hour before sleeping over to continue over the next weeks while I kept travelling to and back from office. Yeah my non-driving and time during the journey helped a lot. These helped me in way to realise my true potential and to start looking out for things and converting things to success. Lots of positive thoughts and lots of self discovery in the running. Felt a lot of emotional narrowness in thoughts and perspective on various human emotions which stands to be interpreted in my words in the self journey of discovery, realisation and experimentation, which I feel I will be blogging over a course of period. For now its a new start, a new beginning and I am confining it to it and bit of the reviews of now my favourites ongoing reads.

The Secret, was created by Australian Rhonda Byrne, and she says that if you follow its philosophy, you can create the life you want—whether that means getting out of debt, finding a more fulfilling job or even falling in love.Rhonda Byrne's discovery of The Secret began with a glimpse of the truth through a 100 year old book, "The Science of Getting Rich" a book written in 1910 by Wallace D. Wattles.which was presented by her daughter In the book Rhonda uses the quotes and commentary to establish the relevance, and strength of the secret of the universe, that if used and believed will lead to success in every field. In the book she goes back through centuries, tracing and uncovering a common truth that lay at the core of the most powerful philosophies, teachings and religions in the world. Nothing new parts and pieces of things which were so common and overlooked are very cleverly presented in this book. It neatly sews a beautiful shawl, a story which enforces what all the tradition, culture and many of our epics, spiritual Gurus of past and present speak off. It narrates a lot of positive thinking and its effectiveness. The books explains the visualisation techniques which I remember where also told in my earlier book of body building, which was needed for connecting the mind, the body and soul.
One might be surprised that by the parallel that can be drawn, in the Farah Khan 2007's flick "Om Shanti Om", where atleast 3 times in this movie he recites this dialogue - The Secret - "Agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaaho to poori Qaynath use tumse milane ki koshish main lag jaati hai" - translated "If someone wholeheartedly wishes for a something, the entire universe Conspires to get it it to you" Truly amazing scripting which sums up the whole Secret in a one liner.

Brida is story of a young Irish girl, and her quest for knowledge. She has long been interested in various aspects of magic but is searching for something more. Her search leads her to people of great wisdom, who begin to teach Brida about the spiritual world. She meets a wise man who dwells in a forest, who teaches her about overcoming her fears and trusting in the goodness of the world; and a woman who teaches her how to dance to the music of the world, and how to pray to the moon. As Brida seeks her destiny, she struggles to find a balance between her relationships and her desire to become a witch. Intelligently intertwines a tale of love, passion, mystery, and spirituality to hold my interest till the end.
Brida happens to be the 5th book of Coelho released in 1990. This was initially the best seller during its release but was taken over by the Alchemist.

"The Alchemist" is about a young traveler named Santiago meandered from his native land in search of his "Personal Legend." At different points in his journey, Santiago, encountered many places and met many people who would make a deep impression on his life. As he trekked through the Sahara desert in search of his elusive treasure, he faced many tough decisions. One of them was whether to continue his search for his treasure. At one point, he almost gave up his search, but he continued forward. After many trials and tribulations, twists and turns, success and failures, he found his treasure… in a place he least expected!
Coelho published The Alchemist in 1987 and was his 4th book, which is based on Jorge Luis Borges "Tale of Two Dreamers", which in turn was based on a tale from The Book of One Thousand and One Nights. The sales of this book where so low that it convinced his first publisher to drop the novel, but it went on to become one of the best-selling Brazilian books of all time. with more than 65 million copies worldwide and has been translated into some 56 languages.

Notable Quotes
Brida
“In love lies the seed of our growth. The more we love, the closer we are to the spiritual experience.”
“There are no risks in love, as you'll find out for yourself. People have been searching for and finding each other for thousands of years.”
“Magical places are always beautiful and observe to be contemplated. Waterfalls, mountains and forests are all places where the spirits of Earth tend to play and laugh and speak to us.”
“Ever since the time began, people have recognized their true love by the light in their eyes.”
“Do not try to explain feelings. Live everything intensely and treasure what you feel as a gift from God.”

The Alchemist
“When you want something the whole Universe conspires to help you realise your desire.”
“Always follow the signs, and above all, don't forget to follow your personal legend to the end.”
“A search always starts with Beginner's luck and ends with the test of conqueror.”
“Never try to explain why you are in love...for its enough to let the other know you are in love”

Pune to Mumbai

On 30th of May I set on journey to Mumbai from Pune. We started from my place in Aundh in Pune at around 10pm in the Maruti Baleno. 10km off we hit the Mumbai high way and few more kilometers we reached the Mumbai Expressway Talegaon tollgate to start our fastlane heading to Mumbai. First stop on the way was the HP Filling station. While the tanks got filled we emptied ours and catch up a bit a refreshments to keep ourselves awake for the journey ahead. The Mumbai Pune Expressway is India's first six-lane concrete, high-speed, access controlled tolled expressway which pressed into service in April 2002 after four years of planning and four more years of construction. The expressway spans a distance of 93 km connected by five tunnels, with the longest one almost 1km long and is called the Batan tunnel. The ventilators in the tunnel resemble the 30000 HP GE Jet turbine engine.
The most amazing part of the expressway in addition to this being among the most ambitious of its kinds in India is the scenic ambiance of the western ghats that can be seen on the way. As we drive past Khamshet, Lonowale, Khandala, Khopoli a series of curves and bends of the ghat roads gradualy unfold. Yes these ghat roads are more tamed than the usual ghat roads I am used to, but never the less its still thrills to drive down the roads. The speed limits specified is 30km on these Ghat section but 70kmph is easily doable. The regular freeway speed limit is around 80kmph though 140kmph is easy.
Towards mid-night we started heading towards Panvel - Kalamboli section to drive towards Navi Mumbai. As we started entering Vashi, felt very uncomfortable and I sort of withdraw into the confines of the car as the excitement of the Ghat roads and the long drive instantly waned out. A few more minutes on the Thane road, Mulund then entered Powaii. Driving past the Hiranandani Gardens reached our place in Fiorello, Nahar Amrit Shakti, Powai. The city of hopes and aspirations keeps calling me at the most unusal of circumstances and situation. Looking for good time in Mumbai..

Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero

The start of this year has been on back of a very hard realities of life that I came to be face to face with. Rejections, hardships, failures, support or lack of support,expressability or lack of it all and more combined came to my reckoning. Sometimes I imagine how would have life been if I haven't taken those two crucial steps.
1. Breaking
2. Matching up and breaking
Life would surely would have been different; but life is not always un sympathetic, it would have its own share of undoing things. I might have have a different forces to deal with; may be a personal drain of my own efforts to some extent. But see it from a different angle; hadn't I gone through this phase of life ; might be a 8 months of the dynamism; it would have paved way to a much bigger thought process and understanding which dawned on me later on.
I could understand

• the values and price of people;
• of whom to trust and whom not to;
• what looks from outside might not be the best one deserves;
• one might not always get what he always envisions
• Things are sometimes to be left in safety of the trusted few.
• Meaning and real value of love
• Needs of sustaining relationships
• Managing expectations and multitasking
• Fear, failure, narrow mindedness etc.

Most of the cases one actually reaps the harvest of his own deeds; the seeds one has sowed is what he gets at a latter stage. One is what he becomes with natures customisation attached to it for what all action he takes in his course of life. One is to be completely and entirely be responsible for what happens to him. One is really successful if one starts accepting responsibilities and is accountable to what ever has happened in the past and choose to make a balanced and intelligent decision going forward. A person is bound to be less successful if one starts blaming everyone round him for the present state one is in. Things are bound to happen and will happen and one needs to accept and go forward at ones own strength and trust. For on trust I by my experience would say not even to trust thy self; for its a tricky and twisty to rely and trust people. For 'You', your just an another Personality or another person who shares the same thoughts. Less said I would say not to trust the best of friends or life partners too; the amount of trust one has in people might vary but expecting things in complete trust is a biggest mistake one would make in life.
Thinking about the past makes me happy; thinking of recent past makes me sad, thinking about future which is uncertain, unnerves me; But I don't know clinging on to the bygone past and thinking and getting tensed un arrived future why one is torturing his present; making ones past, present and future and tragedy to live and tell. Telling and preaching is easy but listening, understanding, digesting and following mind you is an entirely a different league. Accept the realities of life and get going; this I believe should be the Sutra for life.
Must be wondering why the title "Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero" It's a Latino phrase and means " seize the day and trust as little as possible in the future" for there is a lot to make of this short paced life.

Life at Pune - 15 day Report

Finally after much deliberations and passive period of confusion and indecisiveness; the decesion to move to Pune was made in quite a haste in a matter of a week of my release from Genpact. I booked my tickets to Pune just a couple of hours before the departure; such was the level of apprehension and internal resistance for the move. The resistance was very high and probably the move should do good to me.
I moved to Pune on 16th April on sunny and hot morning when Pune and the country per se was in a middle of a heat wave and mercury levels scorched beyond 40 degrees with ease. The first impression was "Man how did I end up in this Furnace" The place was fuming with little or no vegetation with hard rock boulders and dusty black soil clad by roads adding to the woos of the badly laid infra structure of a city which is growing at a rapid pace much too much for the comfort of the local infrastructure pace and pace. The place of my work is at Hinjewadi which is on the far north end of the city where if one has to take out a 5-year back map, this place would not even exist. The roads are yet to be laid and expanded fully, and the place is connected by small satellite villages(Aundh, Sus, Baner, Pashan etc...) on the way which are rapidlyto become part of Greater Pune.
Public transport is a big problem here. Bus service is ok types but the quality of the buses are pretty substandard by major South Indian cities standard. Auto ricks and taxi are a loot here; worse than the Autowalas of Chennai. They squeeze in the maximum moolah out of the unsuspecting passenger who falls an unnatural and unintended victim to his vims. If one has a non-maharatra registered vehicle then the public servants - police turn against the poor guy who just moved in to make the maximum in bribing.
Finding a house here is another big sober story; the place is run by a mafia of Real estate agents and brokers; who are there to make the maximum of the money and rents and cost of the residential facilities are being artificially pushed up alomost on a weekly basis.
Night life I felt is pretty much limited in myt part of the city atleast. Travelling in night is not advised in these remote pockets. Apart from this interstate travel has been another headache; bus agents charge amounts well beyond the rates of 2nd AC fares and sometimes more than 1st AC during weekends. People are genuinely denied tickets in state run transports like the APTDC or the APSRTC buses for a lack of margin they make on selling Private operators buses creating an artificial scarcity of seats. Bad the travellers like us are the most who suffer.
Yaa one thing I like is I get to eat an occasional Vada Pav or Dabelli on the roadside but yes sometimes I miss my Dosa, Idly with Proper Sambhar and chutney. Early days for me to comment for me as too many things running around and lot to stabilise and settle down. Looks like this yeart will also have its bit of action and dynamism.
For now I am accessing internet through a netcafe as I m not wired in at Pune so will take sometime to hook-in and have more of blogging. Have a few certifications to complete this week; and haven't touched the same for over a few months now. Anyways until then chao...

Curtains for my Genpact Career

Yesterday the 9th of April marked an end of milestone, I finally bid farewell to my career with Genpact after 2 years of service with Genpact. My association with Genpact started as early as October 2005, when it was still a GE company and was getting enchristened as Genpact post the strategic sale; this association was on back of my closest friends & couple of engineering mates joining Ge. In Decemeber 2005, came to know about the whole BPO industry, its offerings and where Genpact stood during my non-credit classes. The sessions where conducted by our IIM Alumni Sanjeev Singh, who was then Collections COE leader at Genpact; Others included Amit Agarwal(presently Quality Head), Shuba Laksmi(Global HR VP), Ritu Rekha(transition) and couple more handling each and every aspect of the industry. Then subsequently joined the company which I always wanted to be part of. My HR-AVP was the part of the two-member recruitment team which visited us for recruitment.

Anyways two years of learning, growth - personal & professional seen it all and expereinced it all to express and blog it today. Though not the best of expereinces in the overall perspective, it would hold a special place in my heart always for many years to come. Lots of people then questioned and challenged my intent of joining Genpact, but I don't regret it either.

I cherished a few praises I liked a lot from my collegues

"A very Genuine guy at heart"

" A person of heart who feels for others"

" I've never seen such a Genuine and open hearted guy in my professional life"

" Very straight and onto the point - Absolutely no sugar-coating when you express your thoughts"

"You have been a great friend and we certainly shared a great working relationship… Though our interactions have been much, I want you to know that I have a high regard for the expertise that you bring along… Needless to mention, I do look up to you…"

"Your quiting was a shock to our team, we always looked forward to you for inspiration'

Touchy sentences, though I have not been able to touch a lot of people, but I am happy people took me close to their heart, and where open hearted, and shared bonding at a personal level than at a professional level.

For long I might have craved to move out of the compay, the time has come for me to take that step out, out from comfort and try and experiment new things and new life. As I step forward into an uncertain future I carry with my self a heavy heart, and oblivion within yearing to be filled. Am just short of tears as I was stepping out, trying to be as optimistic as I can and as I write this blog.

I pray that my stint with Genpact never goes waste, and hope that whosoever I was involved with and I joined in for make the best of the same and be sucessful than ever.

The laziest countdown

As the month of March draws to the close, as ta typical Libran does the best during a crucial period of decision making...brood, sit-over, over think, over analyse without arriving at a decision. Its been a difficult week as I am coming to the fact that in a few days I will be partying myself from something close to the heart, a place I was born, grew and became a citizen off. as I prepare myself to pack myself off in a few weeks, I was getting all nostalgic of this place, and places I used to roam around. Last week I visited the DLFH SEZ facility might be the last time for me, then went to Gokul Chat. Was pretty deeply hurt for the fact that this place had a special place in my heart, partly due to my visits to this place to eat, partly due to the shopping-backed snack during my 4- years of engineering and a bit of my special time here too. Then been to Mehdipatnam. Yaa there was a glimmer of hope that I could somehow someway catch a glimpse of my ex, for the last time. Been longing to meet and express my feelings and tell how badly I needed to express and see her and let go of all the emotions deeply tied down, buried deep inside.
More so at office an amazing nostalgia begins to surround as the organisation I've somewhat proudly been associated and somewhat cursed it for not keeping upto my expectations did seem to be becoming an oblivion of the futures past. My disassociation with the company as it becomes inevitable has started to pinch me terribly hard. The people I've been with at the company felt deeply bonded and entrusted to a few of them quite emotionally, and being with them did make me comfortable and happy. And probably thats the precisely the same things which I am running away from
Running away from the comfort, support, love, and care of the well wishers. I do know I need to rediscover myself, spend and gain my own experience and way of solving problems. I hope being alone makes me come out transformed as a more improved person than I am today. More exposure less of dependence I believe should do atleast a small wonder. So as the countdown to move on begins, and lookout for new beginning, the past which has its own good and bad, and the nostalgia all around is holding me back, and very true I happen to sway around in a infinite space of suspended animation beyond the very constraints of time.

Void, the current state of mind (life??)

As I lay on my bed, sleepless I felt soo void, soo incomplete and soo much empty than ever before. My soul longs for a good friend whom I can be myself. The sense of void within myself is soo much that I its seems to add so much directionless and indecisiveness to life. My current state of affairs at the current zuncture of time is nothing great and nothing seems to be moving even a millimeter; Its seems as though everything has come to a standstill, I see no pressure from anywhere neither professional nor personal. No sense of urgency life's so mono-tonous vibes all-round, its not even black and white it looks all so grey, ripped off its life, excitement to that matter even sadness seems to stay away from me. Only definition I can put at this moment might be loneliness or high sense of spirituality (nah!).
Life seems so directionless that even the winds of inspiration and path towards future seemed to be covered up, as though in middle of doldrums, my life is just waiting for the right winds to set sail to unknown places of happiness and excitement. A roaring forties might be just a few metres ahead but to reached those few metres seems life a big task. So much for the suspended animation of life, I don't even know what toll it is taking on my life and race towards life's ambitions, which seems like nothing.
I hope I come out of this place of nowhere, like in the movie "The Matrix" am in construct program, where one can load anything, though the reality is there is nothing, my construct program is also looks like not functioning for now, need to kick start and reboot the same. The construct program for me would a dream world and world of imagination and aspiration to train and set myself up for the future. Hope this goes ahead in full stream.

Regular blogging could improve your social life

Just happpened to come across this interesting piece of article from the web. Thought of posting and documenting the same, for my blogging habit picked me up from the shambles of life I as getting into after the turn of events that I had during the last part of 2007. I had my sense of being alone, socially withdrawn, professionally written down, mentally and physically stressed out. The blogging which I revived after the course of events actually kept my focus and concentration very much away from not so obvious and obnoxious twists ahead. Helped me regather and take a few steps towards unfulfilled dreams. Though I am not fully 100% out, but the blogging a few times made me a better person, without eating into other peoples time.

Anyways Here's the Article
Sydney, Mar 4 (ANI): A new Australian study has found that blogging can boost people's social life, by making them feel less isolated, more connected to a community and more satisfied with their friendships, both online and personally.
This evidence is the result of two related studies, conducted by the Swinburne University Technology in Melbourne, Australia, which found that after two months of regular blogging, people felt they had better social support and friendship networks than those who didn't blog.
In the first study, researchers Susan Moore and James Baker compared the mental health of people intending to blog with that of people not planning to blog.
The study, published in the latest issue of the journal CyberPsychology and Behaviour, involved messaging 600 MySpace users a survey link; of which 134 completed the survey, 84 intended to blog and 50 didn't.
"We found potential bloggers were less satisfied with their friendships and they felt less socially integrated, they didn't feel as much part of a community as the people who weren't interested in blogging ... they were also more likely to use venting or expressing your emotions as a way of coping," News in Science quoted Moore, as saying.
"It was as if they were saying 'I'm going to do this blogging and it's going to help me,' " she added.
The follow-up study, which is yet to be published, was conducted after two months and was sent to the same group of users; only 59 individuals responded.
Those that originally intended to blog reported feeling more satisfied socially as a result of being a part of a group of like-minded individuals. Those same individuals expressed a feeling that they could rely on others for help as well.
On the whole, all MySpace users contacted felt more at ease and less stressed after spending 2 months of steady social networking on the popular site.
"So going onto MySpace had lifted the mood of all participants in some way. Maybe they'd just made more social connections," Moore said. (ANI)
(http://www.yahoo.com/)
Though, just blogging might not be the best of the answer and the support I got. I had lot of support all through the current phase of life. From my parents, to relatives (Vanadana, Ramana, Balaji, Sreenu, Sudha, Vanimavayaa, Maheshmavayaa, Peddamma, Tatha, my brother by his invisible presence) collegues (Shankar, Adivi, Venkat, Kamal, Divya, Naaz, Amol, Amit, Vasu, bosses - Munish, CK Rao, Arun & Manda to some extent in their own unique way), friends (Ramya, Ram, Tarak, Naresh, Madhu, Duggu, Madhavi), well wishers like Divya, Ajay and Rama Aunty, and my own confused little sister Sreelekha, and last Poorni whom I am indebted to with my life for all the the troubles whoz very survivability instincts boosts me up.

My Road Accidents

Its been a while that I've been involved with a road accident. As long as I remember the last of accidents for me happened once in 2003 December during my initial days of purchase of my Bike, where I skit on the oil-dampened road when I applied brake and along with my some dozen other motorists fell. Fun but scary when the tyres had no traction with the road due to the oil that leaked on to the wet road. Anyways a few scratches on the silencer guard and guess thats about it.

The more serious accidents happened in 2002 while driving Chetak, I was so engulfed in a conversation that I happened to miss the application of sudden brakes by the car driver in-front of him and rammed into the same with full force. Had extensive damages to the front mud-guard of the Chetak. Earlier one was in 1998 when was hit by another scooterist when I was trying to cross road after being let out for the day at college. Badly hit on the leg & hips and wasn't able to walk for a week. From then probably dumped my classes with Tetrahedron academy.

Anyways the reason I was blogging all these are due to the latest incident that happened on Saturday 23rd Feb 2008. Yesterday was on my way to City Centre, Banjara Hills with my cousin in the evening. On a 100cc with a combined body weight of 220kgs on the bike on an uphill road proved a costly mistake. As I was traversing, one of the cars was climbing up ever too slowly and in an haze, gazing at the driver tried to out maneuver him, but ended up hitting another Car coming in the opposite direction head-on. With the body weight so high I couldn't control the bike and couldn't react in time to avoid the collision, while the Car we just over-took came from behind and hit us on the other end. We were sand witched between the two cars. Though mini-hatches at that moment they appeared as two monster trucks to me. The bike took a beating on the crash-guard, both front & rear brakes. Foot rests, arm grips and rear-view mirror.

AS for our state our Speed of 20kmph or so ensured that we escaped with minor injuries. My cousins Knees and ankles where squeezed enough and for now he finds it painful to limb u stairs. For me sustained a injuries on both my elbows, the impact of me hitting the cars on either side, lead way to large 4x4 dents to the car sheet on the sides. Apart from this took a hit on right shoulder, lower right abdomen, right lower rib, both the ankles, both my palms, and left index finger. Not much of bruises are visible, except for the badly scratched right elbow and ankles. The car which rammed us from behind, actually ran over my left ankle completely, spraining it and cutting through the skin. If we were in excess of 40kmph we would have definetly ended up in a hospital emergency ward.

Anyways am still feeling pains in various places, and yet to recover, but not using any suppressant/pain killers. Prefer not to use unless required. I do agree that I was a bit enraged at the slow driving but shoud have kept my view on the ground on the oncoming traffic. I could say that I broke my 5 years old record of being accident free, and just fueled to my Parents fears on my driving skills.

Hey, but got to tell you that off late I've been really zipping on very fast on my bike. While I was working in Gachibowli, DLF SEZ, I used to try to beat my own time of reaching office and travelling back home on the busy 25 km stretch. They where times when I hit 90+ kmph and it was highest for me on any bike. On return to home, used to travel back home in around 15min travelling in the midnight roads.

I feel my risk taking, and recklessness has gone up a lot probably due to the simple fact that I have no strings attached and no one that I am responsible. Earlier things where different and was more concisous of my personal well-being as people where on a look-out for me and would be hugely impacted if things were to go wrong. But for now its only my parents and no onle else. And I would love to live patch of life on the edge, guess things will not work on a similar lines when one has responsibilities and some-one to look for.

Anyways enjoy driving and but ensure you always return home safe.

Sleep sleep little baby...

It's 3.45am, and am awake and writing this blog, for past 2 1/2 hours I was fighting hard, real hard to sleep, but my mind has thoughts of its own, some unfinished business which haunts it. While the body wants to rest in peace, by mind doesn't and while my bed mouns for a noiseless, moment-less transistion to dream world fast.
I tried hard to get out of my thoughts going through my daily ritual after returning back from office by watching TV before dosing off, this didn't seem to be working. All kinds of thoughts lingering in my brain tinkering my grey cells a lot. Well seems like there will be no peace of mind and rest for it. Thoughts on my next career move are the ones thats been bugging me a lot for most of the time.
These thoughts have been triggered by plans for my next move of a change of location and company. They should do me some good in terms of putting back things on a back-burner and start rebuilding and making up for the lost ground. For now I am on a new client assignment, which happens to be among the top 5 investment banking organisations, this is the kind of role which I was looking forward for sometime. But 2 years seems to be a long wait in the company like Genpact where pays are low and investing 2 more years to master the IBanking processes is seems to be some kind of a gamble. If it clicks it will pay off rich dividends in terms of expereince, exposure and next move would well orchestrated financially. Tactically looking though, what I would have to consider as an opportunity would be loss of x% jump in salary that I would stand to loose by going to taking up my Mumbai offer, though which is high paying for my experience, but I would be getting functionally getting stuck in an oblivion of a BPO sector Quality Function without domain expertise. I at this moment couldn't capitalise on Domain expertise knowledge base of Insurance for long and media Domain where I worked last was probably is taking me no where. Being functionally sound and able seems to have got a disadvantage in itself on a long term, though tactically functional application plays a big role.
Apart from this a few on-site opportunities in consuting appears a few days away from negotiations and if that where to click its sure shot work abroad situation, and at present juncture am a bit apprehensive of that situation of adapting to lots of new things and that too without much domain knowledge, consulting wholy from a functional standpoint still is very tricky.
Heads filled with lots of thoughts with a few options in hand

Big QUESTIONS
1. Should I chase money - For I wanna own a car of my own now and clear off few of my credits
2. Should I chase the domain - Ibanking is something which I fancied for a while, and wanted to build my expertise on these product lines
3. Should I chase Location -
a. Mumbai - Was on high priority for sometime, now with thoughts and lots of consultations that seems to be out. And for the Raj Thakery phenomenon, Mumbai appeard scary.
b. Abroad - Looks like heading abroad for location change seems good, but I still have no clue on working abroad and the kind of support I need from profesional circles for such assignments.

For now Iam so much inclined to complete my Ibank assignment and ask my MBB for re-allignment from Finance to Ibanking Services, for I am enjoying my contribution and if everything falls in place I could work out my certifcations and also build domain expertise. I really pray I get a hike of 15% for this shift. Want to take this bold step for my parents especially my Mom will be very unhappy, secondly I need to take back my resignation and do some bit of talking without actually knowing what is to happen in terms of bonuses and re-negotiations for my faith in the HR machinery is on all time low with the kind of treatment and sensitivity shown by AVP-HR.
I sincerely hope everything goes well, really well and may success know my door-steps more often from now-on. 4.30am now time to catch-up a little sleep, for been blogging a lot during the last 48 hours, eyes already have given up on me, migraine building up. Pleassssssse Goddddd answer my prayers soon and show me the waaaaayyyy!!!!! I am forgetting the meaning of patience and want to see some action, the very action I've been deprived off since October and professional one since December. Pllllllleeeeeeaaaaaaaseeeee.

All alone

As I scribble this blog, today is day6, all alone at my home. For the first time in my life and my mom's life, shez gone on long trip. Never ever before there was an instance that she took leave, packed and went of on a trip, that too a 10 day trip. My mom is on touring South India with her collegues, she fears that this being her retirement year, she wouldn't be entitled to such travels later.

The tour package will take her on bus tour of all moajor tourist and pilligrimage spots in South India, names of which I haven't heard till date. Will take the list of places once she is back.

For me this is a new experience too, taking care of the house entirely on my own. Firstly mom has discontinued the milk supply for the period and I need milk for my curd, difficult for me to inform the milk-walaa as I would not wake at the time the milk packets are dropped, so sad, I had to fetch it from my cousins or buy it separately as I did yesterday and had to set it up for making curd. All the more cleaning of the floor, washing of clothes (alternate days), utensils, cooking for my self, watering the plants all on the part of the agenda. One day I forgot to water the plants, fortunately I happen to notice them dropping due to lack of water and fortunately had enough of water stored to water the plants before I left for office, Mom & Dad would have definelty batted me out if they were to have sapped dry. For these plants are very dear to both of them, and fancy of taking care of the same.

Am kindaa getting up at 8.30am, freshen-up, bath and along with my rituals sit to have breakfast, two days I made dosa's, 2 days I had Ooats, a day with bread-butter-omlette. Let me see what will I manage in next few days. For lunch managed a bit from my guys in the apartment.

Scariest thing is when come home at 1 - 1.30 am there is no one and I had to freshen-up and head to my bed all alone. That's scary for a while when you realise that in your 2 bed-room apartment you are the only person alive. Have a had a strangest of dreams that I've had a call to visit Tirupati. Very strange as I see there myself with the entire family running accross but unable to make it to the darshan, at the Vyikuntam complex and queues are held up at afternoon and am hungry for food and thirsty too. Strange dream I can't decipher the dream as yet.

Another one I discovered in my shelf beside the window was a turmite mound. The turmite mound made through mud and water engulfed all the books and plastic material stored in the shelf. I happened to accidently discover this when I was trying to trace a MP3 CD which I replaced it somewhere. I used all kinds of pesticides I had but to no use, the turmites refuse to give-up, the next day morning I had to clean up the entire junk to get rid of the colony of white turmites. Yucky work !! Had goosebumps all through this cleaning process. I don't even know what all books and material went out in the 8kgs of stuff I dumped. Hopefuly Mom on her return is not annoyed at the clean-up. See the mess of the turmite mound in the pic below.

Days at home this year been spending a lot with myself, except on a few occasion where I got to venture out with the family on Sankrathi.

The list of the movies for this Month is long

Bourne Identity, Bourne Supremacy, Bourne Ultimatum - Good movies but not meant for Indian Audience for it lacks the action though it has good plot and conspiracy and covert operations of CIA in this

Rush hour 1, 2, 3 - all three back to back

Aliens Vs Predator 1 , 2 (Requiem) - Didn't like the second part at all was mostly on lines of Resident Evil 2, where the entire city is nuked with little or no-coperation between humans and predator species.

Telugu - Na Upiri (schizophrenia based movie), Operation Dhuryodhana, Tulasi, Aadavari Matalaku ardhale verulee (both Venky starrer)

Goal, Golmaal, Jab We Met from the hindi movie front. Liked "Jab we met" a lot from which I have taken a few cues for my personal life.

Might want to watch Ek Chaalis ki last local and Shootout at Lokhanwala shortly.

Mumbai Elites!!!!!

2 1/2 months of truth, 21/2 months of shaking, 2 1/2 months of renunciation, 2 1/2 months of thought and examination, 21/2 months of self denial. I believe and imagine how the 2 1/2 months could have been for my ex-Fiance. She would have spend time in "wrap Sessions", wandering places, going to movies, entertaining and getting entertained, and drenched in a self-created world of workmanship and hardwork, shielding off all possible modes of corruption by outmost self-denial. Psychologically would have experienced a extreme feelings of deprivation; self-imposed pressure towards high achievement; dening opportunity for dealing with emotions and impulses; a strong guilt of in-adequacy paving way to entertaining self centred and self gratificatory desires. Largely striving to live up a role of "Good Child".
This is achieved by conforming to pre-set expectations of parents, friends and relatives (environment), towards getting goals set and assessed as desirable by many and rarely asked as to what one oneself desired; only realising that one delivered only on demand not from heart. For her parents she is a prized being, no dening of that fact, but that would have a toll on the very being, as the interface with reality is also managed, influenced and manipulated to the maximum on submission. Thus one starts to wear a mask, a mask of obedience, a mask of confidence, success and well-being, just to show and display a certain kind of security on surface, but Deep down, however one would continue to carry the burdens of doubt and emotional inadequacy no matter how hard one tries to camouflage under work pressures and career aspirations. The die has already been cast for her - for one to succeed against all odds and an institutionalised thought of a brighter future. The inner-sense on the other hand continues to be fragile. As time passes by she would have quickly learned and adopted to externalise blame and criticise their circumstances. If things don't get along well, she would start to increasingly sulk, cry, or blame the environment in which she is in. So as to add more fuel the parents would increasingly look for a overseas person and deep pockets, which would be continuously be countered, for her heart drives something within her career aspirations. I atleast for see something outside of her parents will and that should happen only after 2008 and before 2010.
Lot to desire, lot to dream, but the path is rough with a tender and fragile person cocooned by a stubborn, straight nose external self. All the very best...

Craziness is my current phase of life

Lots of uncertainty, after the sudden twist of events. Can't decide on lots of things, lots of turmoil, lots of pains, lack of overall vision and focus thats how I feel.
Its been over a month that things fell apart and probably over 31 days that I spoke to Shruti. Lots of people said a lot of things against the very person whom I adored and accepted inspite of the obvious shortcomings pointed out and till date couldn't really come out of this unfateful event. Time is a good healer people say, but its doing no good in my scenario for now.
Though I forcibly get to content myself saying that its like a "Casandra Phenomenon" or a "Deja Vu" or this ought to happen as a punishment of my Sins towards all the bad things which went between me and my family especially my mom, and my turning down of relation owing to the family pressure.
Learning and experiencing has been hard, lots of things have given up since then.
My Mobile broke loose, as if it had a heart, and was prime Witness to my relation. It felt and experienced the same way as I did, and unfortunately the same mobile which is less than 6 months old simply broke as I opened it.
No Diwali at home this year, unusual for I never missed Diwali in my entire life. Even my parents didn't burst a single crackers. If it was not for Vandana I wouldn't have joined the rest of the fraternity on Diwali. It was a painful feel, but I wanted to expereince it too.
My Gym and my grooming sessions all wound up abruptly owing to multiple reasons.
Had a cut on my forearm, which I left untreated lead to boil and Puss formation in the whole arm, and had to get it operated after 2 1/2 weeks of agony. Am still recovering from it. I've been bleeding for last 2 days, its pains double more due to Hyderbadii weather. The size of the depression is as big as to accommodate at least one medium sized playing ball marble. Put all the pain killers on the hold, though been advised Diclofenac Sodium thrice a day.
Had been off from office for last 6 days and entire first & second week of November. Feel very embarrassed to face the very people whom I shared my happiness.
My dream of moving into my own house fell apart, dream shattered, and torn apart.
All the 3500+ minutes of talk we had for endless night all ended abruptly without even a hush, and call informing of the next steps.
I know I am very sorry of being rude on occasions, but I couldn't be soft otherwise and ignore be tossed around and blamed and labelled as a Liar by a person who hardly understood how to assess people and values. The very girl I accepted against all odds braving against the worst of situation just showed me her back. I completely felt like a looser, for the respect and courtesy which I showed was never returned back. The respect of a relation, and treating her a person who is pure from mind, body and soul wasn't ever appreciated. May be I expecting a lot, but till this moment I feel I put efforts enough only to be ignored and treated as an untouchable. If she feels shez better without me, I thought so be it. Had she given me a chance to plead guilty and I would have closed it without a pain; never ever thats come.
Having seen all this I feel and probably say it to all that she stands to loose a lot by loosing me than I loosing her; for I swear I would have stood by wind and fire by day and the night by the side of the person whom I wanted to be with. She might not even realise it but I would only hope that at least a few years from now, if things were to go bad if she were to remember me I would be really be blessed.
Finding her I would have been the luckiest person, but loosing her I would say is her bad luck. If my gut feel and my sixth sense are correct if shez headed for rough weather, she would have been better off with some one supportive and who accepts her as-is. She would definitely need a hand to hold hers and take her along.
Yes, life is bed of roses, so sweet and aromatic and beautiful to look-at but underneath are always thorns which hurt, and life is always getting along with those thorns.