Mood: Gloomy--Worried --- Confused

Today seems like one of the worst mood swings ever I had in quiet some time. This was just round the corner after the incident on Nov 8th. Nov 8th was the best days this term nd the very next day turned out to be the inroad to a very bad phase. Poorni got a job on 7th nice one, hope it make her more secure. I went shopping next day got her some stuff nd mailed it on 9th. I also got a trendy looking pair of glasses worth 1100/-(now that's on a high side by my standards)

Now for the bad part, I went for delivery of my glasses and Suman's on 10th. I had planned my lunch at Raahat (thats'z the new place I & Suman dinned on 8th). I firstly was made to wait for good 20min before even taking a order, then was served chilly Beef which I unknowingly took it (aawww...Considering am Veggie this is unacceptable to me). Then to the delivery Suman happened to have got a bumper lottery he got a new CRC (colour reflection coat) without even paying for the same. Wherein he ordered only a plain white glass. Then on my way back I was almost runover by a frenzy bus driver who nearly took me out on the entire road breadth. Had Came back shaken completely that day only to get another shock.

I've taken some short positions in the stock market which I wasn't able to close as I was out and moreover the net on the campus was down. This lead to huge loss for me due to this debabckles. Later I got laid by 8500/- 41% loss due to me being fined for short delivery. This too happened on 10th.One more thing came as shocking discovery , a revelation by chak. fact that I was actually loosing money by holding stocks with Kotakon Margin. I was being charged 18% per day on 5400 for good 20 days with I not even realising. What ever went into my Kotak account never seems to come back.

Next the bad set of consequences of 8th spilled over. As Mads wld put it, we patched up..I hardly can put it that way. It was only but getting worse. We had major differences on working for a ER paper on Pantaloons. I was planning to divide time nd devote to write three ER paper spanning across 7 days ultimately the plan had to suffice. I am a sort of person who needs some moral backup & understanding. I was pinned down by so many of her suggestions which I can't take in. I say let them come but be it in a neat fashioned way. And as my belief goes " how can one preach without oneself practicing". I only believe in practicing first before preaching. Thats why I try to carve my character in the same fashion and try to reflect, associate the same to others.

Nov 12th onwards our group was continuously being scrutinized by BMPP faculty here for the work we put on Hero Honda. Seeing the commitment levels of our group what else I can deliver. I had to resort to last minute firefigthing (I hate such a thing) & I gave a report of 35 pages something wherein majority of group members gave no more than a page report maximum being 4 pages. One particular member PremChand didn't even bother to complete his part of work, never even bothered to confirm, verify the same.. This guy made sure that our group got the least grade in BDC too. On 16th we met the faculty at his Guest House and requested and promised that we would deliver more appropriate more (meaning more work for me). I got to work for 2 days nd 2 nights nd put a completely revamped report. Am yet to get his feedback. Will have to meet him again on Saturday and decide on the presentation.

IIFT Street was another mess. One night one of the nights(16th)we have no net connection and ultimately had to miss the entire round and chance of even thinking of winning this event. I dreamt of completing all the securities ( Forex, Equities, cldn't beat it in Commodities). As it wasn't enough the server access to the site was too pathetic and any times rounds pased by without us even getting through the orders. Apart from IIFT Street I cldn't even sit to compete for ITopia that night hosted the elimination phase.

As not enough the woos continue today. Mads is gone bonkers, Overheard mods dico on Brahminism when I wanted to talk something on this met shift resistance and some weird mental projection which has upset me for me entire day. I hope I become more self-centric from now on..more into myself..more me ..more into a shell and be self liniment-being from now on rather than looking for support.
I hated mads behaviour ...can't take it anymore..I hate this phase of term..I feel like loosing my balance of mind. Today I am also feeling dizzy today coz of migraine. And worst I am not able to any of my friends who surely think I am crazy(true) nor to Poorni else I would burning a bigger hole in my already drained pockets by calling her, also I don't want to spoil her independance and happiness.

I need to stay focused and look beyond, Priortise and come into action...God almighty give me Strength for everything ..I want u by my side I m in tears while writing this...I hope you understand ...Sorry for last Saturday..I kindaa ignored you, missed the day. I believe that the events of this week were on the backdrop of that visit. I will surely do the things I thought off this month.

Changing times

Offlate I 've noticed a change in my schedules. These days I am sleeping quiet late, and it is usually after 2 or 2.30 that I get to sleep. Considering a strict follower of time till atleast the end of the 1st year, this changed a bit in the 4th term. This owed some bit to Madhu, where we used to sit and have long Y! Chats about personalities and personality differences. Added to this we usually had this game playing sessions of BZ-Flag right through the early morning hours. So some how I felt into the groove and got accustomed.
A change from this 4th term only aggravated in this 5th term. I started to watch movies late. After doing some work, usually after 2am, I started of to see movies and usually stayed up staying awake till 4.30am in the morning, surprisingly enough I do get up before the breakfast is closed. Thats around 9.45-10am types.
This is of particular importance cause I used to get quiet early in the morning in te first year so that I could study in the morning hours. I then used to get up at around 6.30 - 7 am types. First thing I used to do was to switch on the system and start playing hungama trivia. And I did win lots of goodies too, somehow I don't feel like soing it nor I am that dedicated to any of the gaming and promo sites which I used to show such high enthusiasm and interest levels.
Another change over the last term is of maintaining of my room, I atleast tried to beautify the room, get some drapes in, have some posters, nd carpets spread out. Two main influencers for me in this pretext are Amos, who keeps & tries to keep his surroundings sparkle clean and Madhul. One is supposed to give a good feel if one expects good company. Also personally I felt I need to make the room lively for me to have vitality and be active, as the surroundings reflect my course of action.
Starting from last term I started using a lot of incense in the room. I am never used to lighting one at my home or outside. Having developed this habit atleast I am not missing an opportunity to devote some time for God and pay respects to them and thank them for all they have provided. And I sincerely hope that I do this on a regular basis. I feel I've not done good not taking an active role on Vinayaka Chaturdi at my home and also by not going to temple during the last visit, for which I feel I was duly returned.

Chennai Summer project

My summer project started off on April 4th. I reached Chennai, which happens to be one of the more liked cities by me on 3rd April. I came via Tirupathi and by the time I reached there it was 8:10pm. Unfortunately I had no telephone numbers of my cousins which I forgot at my dressing table back home. I got hold of my old list where my Aunt's number was there. I tried to contact her but in vain. The number was over 6 years old and had changed by now. I tried to contact home but my dad's gone out for a wedding, mom isn't aware. After some anxious moments I got the number, and landed at my cousins place at around 10pm in an auto who charged me 90/-. My cousins had too kids Tyeni (Akheel) and Mini ( ??). Cousin is working at port trust so he stayed in port trust quarters at place called Toll gate, which is the northen most part of Chennai and is the place where the Chennai corporation limit ends. For the first leg I've stayed in Chennai for 6 nights and 5 days. I happen to get my tickets for Hyd only 5 hrs before leaving that too WL tickets. I spend some 6 weeks in Hyderabad for my field work. Had a good experience here meeting and talking to different kinds of people. Had my first chance to dominate the recruiting agency/ person.
I started back for Chennai on 17th. This trip happened to be my maiden 2AC trip. Boring and dull life in AC boogies. I almost slept for major part of the journey as I was ill the earlier few days. Came back to Caucasians home at around 7:30am. They had some guests by then who were cleared by evening :-)) . Then the usual journey started, Tollgate-Tondiarpet-Royapeta-Old Washermanpet-Parrys-Highcourt-Central-Hindu-Peters-TLM-TVS-Teynampet(SIET)-Cenotaph Road. Everyday up and down the same route. The journey lasted for nearly 1 to 2hrs depending on availability of transport. Beyond our tollgate came Thiruvuyuthoor. I for the 1st time went to Spencers Plaza, spend some time venturing through those countless number of shops. I m almost confused at the magnamiy of the complex. I bought lots of DVDs this time round, unfortunately some aren't working.

On 28th , the day of journey and incident's the only day I was free from my project work I had my first Andhra meals, I completely filled my belly. Now on that day I actually understood what an Andhra meals was and what my liking was. Andhra meals - Rice, Lots of pickles, 2 or 3 fries of vegetables, tomato Dal in tamarind in ghee, Appalam and fried curd chilies.
What a south Indian meal was rice in lots of Sambhar and Rasam and Kavoulum (kuura in Telugu) in aplam and lemon pickle. We use lots of tamarind and dal unlike the south Indian meals which is dominated by sambhar rasam, which fortunately is used only as a side dish. 1st time in life I also hit the swimming pool. Visited the community pool by the side of Marina. That was one bit of experience to cherish. I never swam so I was always 90 degrees to the ground. Teyni taught me some steps to follow which made me a little comfortable for a while. Was there in the pool for 1/2 hr, and came out totally exhausted, my lungs were too tired and seemed to be under high pressure. When I wanted to walk my feet were too heavy to carry my body, strange feeling but a good one.
Then started off to home by Charminar express, my good old train traveled too fast unlike its reputation. Reached Sec'bad at around 8. I forgot my fav short on train and my belt at my cousins house. Overall a good expresses to cherish.

Wat am I doing ????

5 more days left for my year end at IIM K, 3 subjects are already through and 5 more left. Tomorrow is Enivronmental management. Gosh and today we had financial Mangement and HRM submission. I got a confession to make and also I am starting to wonder, where am I ultimately heading. Huge huge reasons, firstly I m free riding almost all of group projects why I don't know. Secondly I m totally low on motivation and energy and totally off- track.
Free riding in HRM,EM totally I didn't even know wat went on..MR is ok but major part I've free ridded that's very very bad considering the fact that I am gonna do my summer project based on MR. I am too tired these days don't know what happened to those enthu levels which I used to have, Today I was trying to enter my e-banking site and I wasn't able to do so..reason being that I forgot my login...Gosh I can't believe wats happening. Lack of focus nd ambition. What am I suffering from?? I need to be highly proactive and thrusting and highly initiative at my age and kind of profession I m going to get in. Cases these I am not reading lack of concentration if more pages are there to be read. I need some support from somewhere I need some direction, some path to walk, I need to be positive in life, grow and start aiming higher. Work hard achieve and not just be content with what I have.....
Cheer me up ....
I need every possible bit of motivation

Flash Back - IIMK trip from Hyderabad

It is 1st of July 2004 where I set off my journey to IIM K . Earlier day i've had calls from Sandeep Reddy asking me to meet him, I wasn't that interested and had very little time to make it to him. The packing was greatly helped by uncle. I and my mom at that moment were having a fight so we were rarely talking to each other. On 1st the d-day my parents stayed back from there office which they usually never do. I dropped some stuff for Poornima at her class then had to take my bike to register and get it packed. Having completed the formalities I came back around 11:30 am by bus ( I m a miser ). The train was supposed to depart at 12:30 (7028 Sabari Express) and Shailendra Chak and Sandeep Reddy gave enough calls to confirm that I m on time, but pity tat I wasn't there at home to take calls. In some 10min I freshened up and again started packing some stuff and added one more petty luggage. Already I had a suitcase, 2 duffle bags, a large cover, a computer box. Mom spoke something while i was leaving in our car. Dad accompanied me along and at the station we waited eagerly for the train. As the train came came in Chak made it to station just 5 min before with his friend from IDRBT. Sandeep Reddy was accompanied by his father.

I train started nd we introduced ourselves then later had lunch. Chak surprisingly like the Pulihora(yellow tamarind rice) a lot, which I later realised from the fact that Chak had considerable Hyderbaddi influence in form of Four Soft , Oracle and GE. Chak and Sandeep Reddy became involved in close conversation right away and spend major part of journey time in conversation. I generally take time to get accustomed. We played cards for some 3 hours during the night. An elderly man at that time happened to scold us for keeping the switch on, Chak shouted back at him "SHOUT U R MOUTH"and he quietly went back to his snoring. I was quiet taken by this incident I cldn't do this to stranger and definitely not an old man.
Fine by next morning we were traveling in Tamil Nadu and we were wondering and visualising the coconut country by that time . Then came coimbatore and we entered Kerla in a while . The 1st glimpses of this was awesome.

Me Sandeep Reddy & Shailedra Chak

In Kerala it always drizzled and for the first few months I've seen so much of rainfall which I haven't seen in one single Decade in Hyderabad. Overall such a good and beautiful place to be in is Kerala. Being lover of hills and valleys, greenary and wilderness I fell in instant love with the place and the campus. My memories of visits to Vizag and Tirupati's Ghat roads and valleys and trees which made a dream for me deep within has finally been fulfilled. Dream to stay close to nature in a valley surrounded by trees, hills and water bodies. IIMK fortunately has all these things. Just great to be in this beautiful place.....

Swa-Gita & placements

Starting on 21st april 2005 kicked off amid all exitement. Big companies which i never dreamt of some two three ago sitting in my college in the outskirts of the city. I thought then our college was the best Gandipet at one side, Ocean park , TI at the other side. Now here in Kozhikode nothing is thought off and is beyond visual imagination.
Our campus is attop 2 cocunut farm cladded hills. First day I landed in Kozhikode I got a warm welcome from mother nature herself with cool shower. I was the 1st person on campus to drive/arrive at the campus on bike which I bought along, The drive to campus seemed to be never ending. Long drive along small and beautiful lanes engulfed by tress, houses , fields nd hills. Terrain is exquisitely chisiled to perfection. Moss on the boundary walls along the route appears soo near to nature nd beauty.
Then the surprise of all was wen the campus actully arrived its a 2 km drive uphill, The hill rather 2 hills is home to IIM k amid beautiful valley and cocunut plantations. The walkway to our alloted rooms were like a walkway in a good hotel, I got a valley facing view and perhaps the best balcony view in the entire campus. I get a feeling that I can bend over and touch the beautiful valley below. In other balconies there seems to have visual distance or farther from the valley.
IIM K never seizes to surprise me... today admist all the MDI Pagalguy controversy our process started on 21st and by end of today all are placed. What amazes me is that many many companies are still lined up and have no where to go. There are no enough people. Supply demand imbalances. Surprising enough systems companies are offerin far less compared to other companies like GMR, US s/w etc. All the better it's really motivating me to take on a stream which appears really hard for me though its a strm of my liking. So I might look forward to major in Finance without worrying about CGPA's and corresponding job offers / rejects. With nearly 90 in lateral bracket our future appears really bright. I'll try post some placement data immediately after official consent is given by the place commitee. Untill then keep blogging.........